I’m not entirely sure how to organize my thoughts on this feeling, so this may be a bit disjointed…
Part of my thoughts on this stem from reading a piece of Avatar fanfiction (yeah yeah, I know) which is probably one of my favorite things on the internet. It’s over 750,000 words across 91 chapters, including author’s notes explaining why they wrote it that way and how it actually applies to real life. I kinda like what this story does more than the cannon series; it just makes more sense.
Anyway! Aside from this being better than the show & I wish this would be made into an anime or manga series… The characters all have something that their sprits bind them to. For those of Water, it’s family; Earth needs deals & contracts. I’m not 100% sure what Air’s is, but it has something to do with their Way (a taught lifestyle? it wasn’t really clear). Those of Fire are bound by their loyalty.
“And I thought truce was bad. When you guys say loyalty…”
“Ah, yes. We mean the bonds of fire and spirit to one’s clan, one’s lord, and one’s followers…”
“Loyalty is having somewhere you belong. And people you’d walk through fire for. Though for some of us, that’s easier than others.”
“Loyalty isn’t logic. It’s like love. You can choose who you associate with. You can keep people at a distance, long enough to know if they’re worthy of a closer look. You can decide what you will do, if you feel that first pull toward another’s fire. But sometimes you meet someone, and you see that they embody all the virtues you’ve been raised to hold as sacred and honored. And you know.”
“When loyalty rests with one unworthy of it, honor requires that it not remain.”
“Who do you look to, dragon-born?”
“I am cast upon the waves, for my clan is fled and our stronghold ashes.”
“Who would you look to, dragon-born?”
“I seek a great name, one worthy of my blade and fire.”
“A great name must be noble, and benevolent, and honorable beyond reproach, because the great names lead and defend the clans in war. And war is none of those.”
So sometimes I feel like I’m searching for a great name, one who is strong enough to lead and defend me and honorable enough to not take advantage of that… And other times I feel like I’m the head of a very small clan, just trying to identify my clanmembers, never mind finding a loyal lord…
Another piece to this puzzle comes from noting who I enjoy spending time with and who I avoid. Some people can bring me from a decently good mood to angry at everything in less than 10 seconds, and other people do the exact opposite. I’ve also noticed that while I can interact with a wide variety of people, there’s a specific group that I always invite to things.
A reference to the Empathy post, I think that that specific group consists of people that vibrate on, if not the same frequency I do, at least on complimentary frequencies. I usually feel good and enjoy time spent with these people. Perhaps these people are my adopted clan?
I’m still not sure I’m explaining this properly, because clan and family are not quite the same thing….
A child’s first loyalty is to their parents, and I’m not entirely sure I’m still loyal to mine… But I still consider myself part of my mother’s clan (and that is a clan; she was the youngest of seven, so I’ve got boatloads of cousins), though not necessarily my father’s clan (a little too much awkwardness in interactions). And I am definitely loyal to my brother.
At any rate, I think it’s good to have identified these positive relationships and the people I enjoy being around. Whatever I call them.