Living in Phase One (with a few more loopholes)

Following my nutritionist appt last week, I have decided to stay in Phase One (extremely low-carb), with a few more loopholes / exceptions, like

  • rice (This means I can have sushi.)
  • Winter squash (because we still have some from the farm share & I don’t want them to go to waste)
  • Hummus (garlic hummus on my breakfast eggs; Yum!)
  • Cracklin’ Oat Bran (This is my Very Favorite Cereal. I measure out about half a cup (dry) and slowly savor it for dessert.)
  • Emergen-C packets (because ain’t nobody got time to be sick)

And this is paying off. Yesterday I weighed 250.0 lbs, which is down a full 13 lbs from October 1st. As you can see from my FitBit graph (below), I’m almost back to where I was in February, before I got my sit-at-a-desk-all-day office job.

I did make it to the Y on Friday night, and did 30 min “jogging” on the elliptical and 10 min walking on the treadmill. I am not as out-of-shape as I’d thought I would be, but post-workout snacks are even more important than they were pre-detox. No snack afterward left me shivering and nauseous by the time I got home. Note to Future Self: Snacks. Bring them.


Sugar Detox Summary & Nutritionist Appt

So I think at this point we can say that the “detox” part of this has ended. I weighed 253.4 on 10/29 and 254.8 on 11/5. I blame Halloween (the candy holiday).

I had a bowl of noodles with dinner on Sunday night, and my body was NOT impressed. I felt cramped and bloated and gross the next day. This leads me to believe that very low carb eating is going to have to be more permanent than I’d anticipated. (Or maybe I’d always known that and just didn’t want to admit it.)

I had an appt with the new nutritionist at my HMO this morning. It was a little aggravating because I spent at least half the time explaining why my weird eating habits work for me and I was an hour later for work than I’d expected to be. The point, though, is that she agrees with my self-diagnosis of sugar addiction and that I should stick with low-carb eating; She wants me to get down to 237 lbs (10% loss from Oct.1), and I kinda want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes…

The plan moving forward is to start adding exercise back in, now that I’ve gotten used to low-carb eating. I’ve written in my planner to hit the YMCA & use the elliptical on Friday night, and to go swimming at some point this weekend. Fingers crossed I can do the things.

Sugar Detox: Week Three Summary

Again, on break at work, so keeping it short:

Weight this morning was 256.6 lbs, which means I went up 0.4 lbs. I’m still ok with this, as moving into my apartment made me REALLY SORE and I prolly added some muscle while healing the RAGING FIRE DOWN MY BACK. So it’s ok.

I need to add more vegetables. It’s been awhile since I bought groceries and the quality of my food has been decreasing. Pepperoni and cheese will only do so much… I’m thinking of salad mix for dinner tonight…

Week Four is starting to add things back in, so I elected to allow myself Emergen-C packets (more diluted than usual, because I can’t get sick, dammit), Tums, and maybe kidney beans? I was discussing with a roomie on making chili with vegetables…

I also feel like I dug myself into a hole and don’t know how to get out. I want to add stuff back in gradually, but all the carb-ish things I can think of are like, lasagna or candy, and that’s not where this is going, and my brain flounders with indecision. So we’ll see where this goes.

But I’m living in our new apartment now, and I can already see a difference in my attitude. ^_^

Sugar Detox: Week Two Summary

Gotta keep this one short, as I’m on break at work…

Last week was interesting, as I think getting rid of the sugar craving is revealing other cravings that are harder to deal with. I’ll just say that it’s been about four years since I’ve been laid and leave it at that.

The scale said 256.2 lbs on Sunday 10/15/17, which means I’ve lost almost 7 lbs in two weeks. My nefarious plan continues to work!

My bestie who is doing the detox with me brought up an interesting point last night; He said that his friend’s doctor said that stopping carbohydrates entirely will shut off your pancreas because it won’t know what it’s doing anymore. I’m really suspicious of the medical veracity of that, and no, we haven’t researched it yet. I’ll keep you posted of what we find.

Otherwise, I’m hip-deep in moving into our first apartment. I’m sore EVERYWHERE. And I really want to go grocery shopping but don’t want to move the groceries as well. I haven’t gone grocery shopping since Sept. 30th…

Sugar Detox: Week One Summary

Today is Day 8 of my sugar detox, so here’s the rundown of the last week:

  • Only had 2-3 headaches. It’s hard for me to tell what’s a headache and what’s tired, as they feel the same.
  • Had about the same number of cravings. Only one bad one; I had half a bar of cream cheese and told my brain to shut up.
  • Food disappears a LOT faster. I would have three eggs and a pile of veggies for breakfast, and I’d be hungry an hour or so later. Where does my food go??? (I know the chemical / biological reasons for digesting them faster, but it’s still annoying.)
  • Going grocery shopping while hungry was really challenging.

I went dancing with my brother on Saturday night. We left at break, but in the first half I sat out only one dance, and I danced the waltz. I got over 11,000 steps on Saturday, so I’m curious how high that would have gotten had we stayed the whole dance.

I got on the scale this morning, and weighed 260.2 lbs. That’s almost three pounds lost this week!

My nefarious plan is working…

See you at the end of week two!

Sugar Detox

While I was growing up, my parents would drink a lot. Like, 1-2 bottles of wine every night. I have distinct memories of waking them up off the couch so I could go to bed, and helping them up the stairs because they were too drunk to make it to bed themselves. (Looking back, maybe if I’d left them there overnight it might have been a wake-up call that they were drinking too much…)

I didn’t want to turn out like them, so even as an adult I’ve never developed a taste for alcohol. Most alcoholic drinks taste absolutely foul to me. The problem is, I still have an addictive personality, and I’ve become hooked on something more insidious: sugar.

You may say, “You can’t be addicted to sugar! That’s nonsense! How can you be addicted to something you can buy in the grocery store?”

Because you can buy it in the grocery store.

Sugar is in everything. Drinks, peanut butter, ketchup, baked goods (dear gods, the baked goods)… I would cheerfully make a meal of donuts and cheesecake if presented the opportunity. And being good at baking does not help matters; I have a distinct memory of getting home from school and making myself a batch of oatmeal raisin cookie dough, and eating the whole batch of dough raw.

Even just writing this is making me want to check for discount donuts at the grocery store later today.

And there is increasing research that shows that sugar has the same effects on our brains as hard drugs. Google it.

So yeah. I’m addicted to sugar.

Working in the office of a Wholesale Grocer doesn’t help matters. The bakery department is two rows of cubicles over from my desk, and there are various foods available at least once a week. I think there were at least three birthdays within two weeks, which meant cakes and cupcakes and deliciousness…. One of my coworkers makes a whoopie pie cake, which I have nicknamed “Death-cake”.

I’ve gained 15-20 pounds in the seven months I’ve been working there, and somewhere around 80 pounds in the last seven years. Eighty pounds is like, a person.

SO! In the spirit of not-dying-young and keeping a handle on my diabetes susceptibility, I’ve roped my best friend into doing a sugar detox with me. Starting tomorrow, we’re going cold turkey for three weeks, only eating protein, fats, and non-starchy veg. (“Why are you still eating fats?” Because fat is not the chemical enemy here; Carbohydrates are.)

In order to make this work, I need to get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. I need to stay busy (but not stressed), and reasonably active (2 exercises per week, minimum; 4 would be better). It’s also going to take a lot of thought and preparation, and money; good food isn’t cheap. I plan on weighing myself tomorrow (Day 1), and doing weigh-ins once every two weeks, because more often has the potential to be depressing. I will be resuming use of my food diary app (YouFood), and will be daily journaling in a Notebook app to keep track of cravings and challenges. I will post here on Saturdays to summarize the week.

See you on the other side of Week 1. Wish me luck.

Root Chakra Journaling

So, in my (perhaps ill-advised) attempt to make my body hurt less, I’ve decided to try some chakra work. Given that I’m not working with any energy experts on this, I’m not sure how well this will work out. This is the journaling section of the chakra work, and I found some prompts that I’ll be working off of, so bear with me.

I deserve to have… a place to live where I don’t have to walk on eggshells around anyone… food that promotes and supports my health… Clothes that fit well and don’t have holes or stains… clean drinking water…

Do I deserve to have love? Sometimes I’m not sure. My head knows that it’s important, but my heart is harder to convince.

I’m tempted to add single-payer health care to this list…

I am afraid of:

  • Losing my job / being yelled at / Can I even do anything right? / failure
  • Small spaces / tight clothing / not being able to breathe
  • Confrontations / yelling / anger / angry men / physical violence / authority figures (police?)
  • Having more regrets / not being happy

Prosperity means … (a.k.a. I’ll know I’ve ‘made it’ when…)

  • I have bedding sets that match my bed / I don’t have to cut down a set of sheets to fit my bed because they were free / I can get a memory foam mattress pad / my blankets are the appropriate size for my bed
  • I can take my nieces on trips / I don’t have to worry about ticket prices to events / I can travel
  • A house on/near the beach
  • Living in such a way that I can wear historical costumes every day
  • I can get a car that I actually like (I’ve wanted a hybrid for about a decade so far)
  • Not stressing about paying bills every month.

How do you feel about your body? Woof, that’s a loaded question.

I like my hourglass figure, how my waist is actually really small compared to my hips & shoulders. I like that I can support a strong muscular system. I love having blue eyes and long blond hair. I have great night vision.

I don’t like how hard it is to lose weight/inches. I don’t like how much pain I’ve been in recently, and how sitting can make it way worse. I don’t appreciate not being able to wear heels, and I certainly don’t like that I’m addicted to sugar.

I guess my body is okay? I certainly feel better about living in this body than I did when I was younger, and I’m more accepting of parts of my body than I used to be. Which is weird, considering that my health has declined and I’ve had to wear bigger sizes. I think part of that has been the realization that a lot of modern styles of clothing aren’t designed for people with curves / my body type, but I have the power / skills to make myself clothes that will work with what I have; Victorian styles are all designed to give the illusion of a small waist. I already got that. Now how can I rock it?

“Are there belief patterns that still influence your thinking but are no longer valid?” Um… I’m not sure how to answer that. If I flip it around: Do I hold beliefs that are no longer valid, but still influence my thoughts/actions/feelings?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m hard to love; I know there was a time where I felt that all I was good for was sex. (I didn’t know my ex-boyfriend was an abusive narcissist at the time, and it took me awhile to see that he really messed me up.) I now know that this isn’t true, but it still sometimes comes up in my thoughts.

What would my 10-year-old self tell me today? Assuming that my past self took her nose out of a book and was brave enough to talk to me…

I hope that my younger self would tell me about how bad things were at home. How responsible she was trying to be. How afraid she was sometimes. (That last one just made me cry a bit.)

I hope that my younger self would tell me about what our older cousin did, back in the hay barn. She would show me the kitten we adopted from a farm cat’s litter and named Holly. (And holy shit, I’m making myself cry now.)